Where Is My Sayang Manja?

This is a picture of the gal that I fell in love with. Isn't she adorable?

[Hmmmm .... Oh well I posted my fiancee's beautiful picture above but had to 'hide' it otherwise she would sue me for all the money I have. Now back to my story ...]

It was love at first sight. She was a warm, caring and romantic individual who knew how to uphold herself.

The first few conversations that we had when we knew each other were very interesting. We talked and talked and talked. I enjoyed talking to her and I knew that she liked talking to me.

There were arguments as our thoughts differ but we reached to an agreement to be able to disagree about certain things.

So what is the problem?

This person whom I have known long enough is no longer the person that I used to love. Her character and attitude changed.

She became proud and starts to order me around to do things her way. I am unable to talk to her as she would hang-up the phone while I was talking. She will no longer listen to me. She wants me to say things the very same way that her mind has already set-up for her.

Where has this gal that I love so much gone to?

[Again the picture was taken out in view that I'll be made a bankrupt!]

I miss her and yes ... when I get angry or feel hurt and down, I will look at these pictures to soothe my pains.

I remember the day that both of us confessed our feelings for each other.

It was late at night and she was afraid to go home. The reason? [ I can't tell you cos my fiancee will sue me for all my money's worth ... back to my story...] I sent her home not wanting her to run off alone in the dark night.

Yes ... We had a wonderful time prior to that. Nasi ayam at Bugis. A stroll along Beach Road .... heheh ... we should be strolling on a beach!

We got closer to each other. She even accompanied me when I bought two PCs for my office.

Both of us were touched by this video we saw at Funan Centre and that was in the year 2004!

I managed to get copies of it in different languages from the net before I found this youtube link only this year! Anyway, the copy is in my mobile :-)

We got engaged to be married. I can't wait to be married to her. We talked about our future family and how we would bring up our kids. I have my views and she has hers. So to avoid any arguments, we reviewed and compromised.

We had selected names for our children. How they would be loved and cared for. What to do when I am gone ....

We do have our fears. The fear that certain parties do not like us being together. She did find under her block remnants of black magic directed at us. Someone had lit a candle and burned a torn picture of us taken together. We do not fear black magic but we feared only Allah. Insya' Allah we shall persevere.

But recently, I have difficulty talking to her. I told her that I can no longer talk to her. She irritates me. She makes me angry. She blamed me for being angry all the time. It is very frustrating when she quotes her lawyer friend's words. Doesn't she used to have her own mind? I'm angry? Me? What is the causal factor?

Actually, that was not anger. I was hurt. Anger comes from her. Whenever I tell her that I am hurt, she will get angry and irritates me. I've learnt my lesson and not to get angry. But how do you stop getting hurt?

I admit that I am an emotional guy. I get hurt emotionally easily. This is how I was brought up by my family. The only persons that understand me are my sisters. We are a closely knit family.

My fiancee was a wonderful girl. She would update me of her whereabouts. Likewise, I will do the same.

Now, I know nothing of what her plans are. When is her next examination paper? I do not know. What did she have for breakfast? What time did she sleep last night? What is her new email address that she shared with others but me? I am no longer the one person whom she would come up to when she has news.

She has her msn friends. She has her email friends and of course, her sms friends. So what about me? Oh ... I am not her friend but her fiance. Now that hurts!

Recently, when I eagerly told her that I would go with her to Geylang where she would meet her family she defensively said that it was only for family members. My heart dropped realising what she portrayed me as .... not a friend and not family .... I believed she thinks that it will not hurt to push aside her fiance.

Shall I stop asking her questions? Shall I stop caring for her? I can't cos I love her so much.

What should I do?

O Allah, I am your weak servant. Help me restore our love. Help me extinguish the fire of Hatred that is engulfing our fragile hearts. Both of us are hurt. Both of us are in pain. Help me to help us!

Allahumma antas salaam
Wa minkas salaam
Wa ilaika ya 'uudus salaam
Fahay yinaa Rabbana bis salaam
Wa adkhilnal jannatal Daaras salaam
Ta baarakta Rabbana wa ta 'aalaita
Yaa Dzaljalaali wal Ikram.

Ameen! Ameen! Ya Rabbal 'Aalameen!